SUFFERING IN THE CLASSROOM
I have experienced suffering in
the classroom many times. I have had classes in which I feel the topics are
boring and I am so boring as well. Obviously, during a class I try to pretend
everything is OK but inside my head and my heart everything is different.
Another example could be when an activity I had planned seemed to be “perfect”,
but when I try to do it in class, everything goes wrong. Maybe, I don’t give instructions correctly, my students are
not in the mood for participating, the activity was not appropriate for the
level of my students, or simply, that is not the correct time or place to do
it. However, I strongly believe that every cloud has a silver lining. So we
need to think out of the box when experimenting suffering in the classroom. In
this way we can think critically and identify the things we did wrong, the
things that were not good enough, and maybe external factors that affected you
without realizing it on time. By identifying the possible mistakes, we can take
advantage of the redemptive quality of suffering that is to learn from our bad
experiences taking out the positive aspects of it in order to be better
professionals.
GIFTS AND STRUGGLES
.
I am a teacher who likes to
listen to students and provide feedback every time it is necessary, I also
think I am self-confident and honest; I am sure of what I know and what I can
do. But I am also aware of I don’t know and what I cannot do. So when I don’t
know something I am honest and say, “I don’t know. Sorry. I will try to find it
out.” However I also face struggles in teaching such as students being forced
to study something they don’t like and as a result, students who think you are
the responsible of their suffering. Thistranslates into students who do not
participate, do not attend classes regularly, do not do homework assignment, do
not pay attention, etc. This kind of attitude breaks rapport and interferes
with the flow of the class. At the end, it does not matter how well you prepare
your lesson, but you and your class always suck for them. That makes me feel
angry, sad, and disappointed at the same time. But I have learnt that even
though we sometimes failed as teachers, that is not the only reason why we get
in troubles in the classroom. There are sometimes external circumstances that
you cannot avoid and change. We need to be aware that we are required to look
for new ways to make your classes a blockbuster, but at the same time, we must
be aware of all the circumstances that are out of our reach. As Palmer says,
“To become a better teacher, I must nurture a sense of self that both does and
does not depend on the responses of others-- and that is a true paradox.” (Page
73).
GOOD MOMENTS AND BAD MOMENTS
Last time I was observed, I did
a great job that even the coordinator congratulated me. I felt so happy and
satisfied. I guess that that class was a hit because I was well-prepared,
natural, friendly, and a good listener. We had a very friendly and
communicative class. I had talked to my students in advance, so they knew we
were going to be observed. They really chipped in in order to have a good
class. I learned that communications is really important to make things work. On
the other hand, once I was teaching a group of teenagers from public schools
who were supposed to be the cream of the crop, but when I started teaching, I
realized some of them had very poor English and did not want to participate at
all. They were very shy and didn’t want to speak in English when they were
asked to. I remember those classes were a pain in the neck .I tried to change
their minds but I couldn’t. I felt just the worst teacher in the world. I
didn’t know how to deal with this problem correctly. At the end, they were
taken out of the program because they didn’t want to sweat the shirt.
BOUNDARIES AND FLEXIBILITY
I will focus on the first
paradox “The space should be bounded and open.” I always try to have my
students on track. I mean, I always ask them to speak about the topic we are
studying in order to reach our goal.
However, I also try to make sure they are able to speak their minds and
go beyond in order to reach that goal. Palmer thinks that boundaries remind us
we have a destination, but openness reminds us we have different ways to reach
that destination as we travel together(P. 75). In the past, I guess only half
of the paradox was honored because when we were students at school, we were
taught traditionally. I mean, we were taught in a restricted environment in
which we were not allowed to give opinions and think out of the box. Everything
was given by the teacher, and we didn’t have the freedom to say what we
thought. We were not supposed to find any other way to solve a task. Everything
was already established. Most of the time, those classes were boring,
predictable and meaningless. In other words, everything was carved in stone.
QUESTIONING MYSELF
There are a lot of questions I
am living now. Some of them seem to be not that important but others seem to be
really important such as should I look for a full time job and stop studying? Am
I going to continue studying for three more years? Am I a really good teacher?
How can I better my classes? And the like. All of them seem to be related to my
professional development, but inevitably linked to other areas of my life such
as family, economy, and self-esteem. They are not exactly the questions I would
like to be facing now, but I cannot avoid it because it is the reality I am
living. So I need to face the music and try to find the best answers I can. I
have to pay attention to them and put them in the center of my focus because
they are relevant in my daily life. Somehow, they give direction to my life and
influence every single step I take.
